Lost Journal Pages

A general forum for all in-character posts as they relate to Act VI: Absolution, the characters that inhabit the world at large, and the events that help shape both.
Post Reply
User avatar
Illuman Daeamis
Posts: 13
Character: Illuman Daeamis

Lost Journal Pages

Post by Illuman Daeamis » November 28th, 2021, 7:20 am

*A torn page from an unknown author circulated amongst the souls whom search for meaning*

Ignorance engulfs me. Those I find myself around quite often seem content to just exist. Yet existence will never be enough for me and I find myself dumbing down to relate to those I genuinely just want to help. I have a hungering desire to understand so I allow myself to be one of many and at times it seems like the days and nights just pass, nothing truly ever changing, no knowledge truly gained. The value of wisdom and experience cannot be understated but satiating myself with a myriad of limiting tools runs the risk of falling into habit. Of becoming forever one of many. While I wanted to understand, I find it increasingly difficult to detach from the distortions of thought and thus the action that comes with it. The illusion of freedom is quite strong on Eden and all too often one is unable to free the mind. I have grappled with the idea of the Torment for a very long time. Is it the answer I seek to help liberate the souls of Eden or is it yet another endless trap? The mechanisms that tie this reality together are not so cut and dry I think. Regardless of where a consciousness is there is always room for growth if one so chooses. Somewhere within the illusion of choice lies a major fault I believe. The time has come to leave and put some conscious work into all of this. What is now the plan? How will I go about initiating it? Who or what will by nature stand in my path? How to identify those on the cusp of realization? There are so many things to work on and I may have wasted too much time. I have not had time to reflect fully on the benefits of this last experiment and I have a hard time not focusing on the negatives. There is always a plus it's time to go find it and regroup. I must stay aware of the challenges at hand. Those who don't want their limited reality shattered, for once the mind is open it cannot be closed again. For some that is too much to handle. There are those who are in power in every sense of the word who by nature must protect what empowers them. Then there is simply the risk of those who know no better, who think they are doing good but cannot quite see the entire picture.

What I have gained is empathy, I realize more now than ever that those stuck in closed mindedness and habitual thoughts are trapped in more ways than one. While I seek to open minds and free souls I know there are forces that work counter to this, tirelessly... Endlessly. There are those that feed off energy, emotions, fear, depression and sorrow being among the greatest. Often they seek not to fully destroy a vessel but keep it buried in the dirt for constant sources of power. A unique thing about the humans of Eden is individual growth. Without the need of others. To raise ones consciousness in even the darkest of times. There is hope and while the Torment harvests life and power from Eden I shall too harvest those seeds of light... of consciousness that are ready to produce value. For now I must remove myself from the chaos around me and meditate. Time to get back to the simplest, yet hardest things. Self-love, Self-respect, feeling empowered by making healthy choices that will bring about growth, in both myself and those I find myself around in the end. I may not be able to liberate all of Eden but there are some like me who couldn't remember their purpose here and those are the first ones that will find their way to me. In time. For longer than I care to dwell on I had been slowly ridding myself of the vileness of the world. I had been slowly killing myself and not even knowing it. Trying to close off ones mind and giving up authenticity, choice had been an adventure in wisdom yet that time has passed. Eventually the curtain will be peeled back, all will be revealed to those who want it. I have to remember there will always be those who chose to have their backs turned on what really matters and be fixated on the shadows upon the wall. For those that turn around and exit the cave, I'll be there waiting.

User avatar
Illuman Daeamis
Posts: 13
Character: Illuman Daeamis

Re: Lost Journal Pages

Post by Illuman Daeamis » December 1st, 2021, 9:43 am

*An individual page seemingly from a journal or experiment*

I've got the recipe down, I know it does exactly what I wanted it to do. However after so very many test subjects I have yet to accomplish what I set out to do, it gets frustrating at times. Is the answer to just release the soul. To let the Torment do what it does? To start over?

-- Test Subject #31 -
*** Administered a larger dose of the mixture this time but not as much as subject #28s, that was a disaster.
*** Observed physical and psychological changes within 15 minutes of administration.
//Subjects pupils grew significantly. Subject's consciousness began to separate from reality. Separation was not full as they kept referencing the experiment room and things within said room but could clearly see and hear they were between both realms.
//Hypnotically asked questions to keep subject present.

"What do you see? What do you hear?"

'Everything is blurry... I hear. Music? Discordant music. Out of tune maybe...?'

"Are you alone?"

'I can feel a presence... it's scary. It wants something from me. My knowledge.. or energy..? No my. Life? My existence...'

"Don't let fear stop you, this is for you to grow. To learn."

'I can't! Make it stop its coming closer? My chest is so heavy! I CANT MOVE!!'

//Test subjects begins to flail about in their straps.

"Calm down. Take a deep breath."

//Subjects seemingly gasps for air but their chest indicates normal breathing.

'I CANT BREATH HELP ME!'

'I HAVE NO CONTROL!'

//Created physical touch for grounding. Physical sensation has proved to help in past tests.

*Gently caresses subject, tucking hair behind ear repeatedly.*

"Everything is okay, you are between realms"

'I CANT MOVE, I CANT BREATH. WHATS HAPPENING IM DYING?!'

//Subjects broke arm strap off and shoved me across the room, Subject surprisingly strong.

***Had to use sedative syringe to end test, past experiments leads me to believe there is no return to clarity for this session. Post-pone subjects test and return to cage.

So very frustrating. Every subject takes the opening differently. Most with fear. I think I need more open minded subjects. Those who WANT to know and not force it upon an unready mind. Will continue tests. I have to reflect on prior journal entries and think again about mass indoctrination to the freedom of the mind. Poisoning the local source of water with mixture MAY not be the way. Or it may be... Perhaps it will help me identify those ready sooner. So much to contemplate.

Post Reply